Commencement Speech

Don't Work. Be Hated. Love Someone.
By Adrian Tan

Someone posted this commencement speech on facebook, and I've really enjoyed reading commencement speeches this year. I guess since I am not yet on a set track in life, I still feel like one of those graduates, nervously and excitedly anticipating the future.

What I find interesting is that a lot of them tell us to take the pressure off ourselves in one way or another, to focus on other things that matter to use than climbing some kind of corporate ladder. I haven't done research back into commencement speeches of yore, but I wonder if this is some new kind of advice. I wonder if it represents a cultural shift in values and life patterns or just an effort to give home to graduates stepping out into a struggling job market.

Some quotes that I really liked from this speech in particular, which are disjointed, so don't expect them to flow together:

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable. 

The Proxy Bride

The Proxy Bride
By Maile Meloy

A friend of mine posted this short story on facebook from the New Yorker yesterday, and he made it sound like it would be really heartwarming. I guess it could be in some ways, but I'm a little undecided on whether or not I love it.

I did like the writing style and the story concept. I'd never heard of a proxy marriage before, though it makes sense as something that would be useful. 

Maybe what I didn't like about the story was that it was primarily about unrequited, frustrated love, and I guess I sort of empathize more with that. While some aspects of the dedication that unrequited love embodies is admirable, looking at it from an outside perspective, it's hard not to get irritated with the person who is not responsive. I waffle between understanding that someone might just not recognize the feelings another person has and thinking that it really is willful ignorance and insensitivity. I suppose when you're young, you might not have the experience to know what's really going on, and you're already so egocentric anyway. Since that is the age of the characters in the story, maybe I should cut her some slack. And the way the author wraps it up at the end maybe is a more human and realistic love story than the perfect happy endings of most stories.